Secure Attachment

With the explosion of social media and amount of information available to people on the internet, parents are INUNDATED with all kinds of parenting advice - tips, tricks, “do’s and don’ts”. Even as I write this blog, I realize I am yet another voice speaking about the difficulties of parenting and contemplating ways that we can do better or make it easier.

I am not attempting to recreate the wheel. There is so much research already about children and parenting.

I have found that many of the children and families I work with come in searching for a way to create or repair a bond with their children. For many, this bond comes naturally and intuitively, and along the way something happened to rupture it. Because I see this so often in families, I thought it important to write generally about the importance of developing secure attachments and highlighting how much a secure attachment benefits parents, children, and the relationship between them. There is a lot of content available about Attachment Theory and “attachment styles”. I have included a couple links below for those of you who like to read the research!

To focus on creating a secure attachment with a child, the goals are for the child to feel safe, valued, comforted and supported by you. In any interaction with your child, if you can focus on giving them support, safety, comfort and letting them know how much you value them just as they are, you will nurture a bond that will positively impact their whole lives!

As you research secure attachment, you will find a million and one ways to try and build or maintain secure attachment with your child(ren). It will take some time to figure out what works best for each family, but I like to let the families I work with know that even 5 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Maybe you didn’t give them all of your attention when they needed comfort in the morning and you were distracted with the many things pulling for your attention. Maybe you felt frustrated when they had their third meltdown of the day and you didn’t focus on supporting them. We will make mistakes!

AND - if you can plan on spending even just 5 focused, intentional minutes getting curious about your child(ren), giving them your full attention and getting on their level, it will make a big difference!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3534157/

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01237/full

https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/secure-attachment/

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_cultivate_a_secure_attachment_with_your_child